With the Stormbreakers’ questline now finished, let’s see what we can do about the worst dude in MoonFall: Iron Gregarion.
Ugh. The warehouse, the red carpet, the entourage of back-alley trash… it would be sad if he wasn’t so damn annoying.
Dispensing with Greg’s usual attempts at pleasantness and a semblance of amicability, this promptly happens:
“Shoot her,” he then says, as someone is brought besides him:
“This is of course,” he says, “the new Knight Commander of the Stormbreakers. The woman who paved the way for the Imperials to conquer our fair island.”
Nope. Instantly called his bluff. No way did he and his ragtag team of nothings manage to kidnap Dejah Mars. That is some poor gal or guy on which Gregarion slapped one of his face-scramblers.
“The reason for all our woes,” he continues. “You’ve been working for them, don’t deny it. The other Iron Captains wanted you dead from the beignning, but I’d like to think I have a special ability. To spot diamonds in the rough. And you, my friend, are an especially shiny one. So, prove where your real loyalties lie, and shoot her.”
Why would I deny working with the Stormbreakers? I never tried to hide it. But no matter; these are the options available to me:
I most certainly am not about to shoot some gal or guy whom I don’t even know. And there’s probably little to no chance of being able to reason with Gregarion. Thus, I do nothing.
“Don’t think she’s the only one in danger here,” he consequently warns me. “I’ll give you one more chance and then I’ll be quite cross with you.” Still, I refuse to shoot ‘Dejah’.
After this, he sorts of… immediately moves on to something else? The change in tone is abrupt.
Then, after briefly mentionning his successful coup to become the Iron Cartel’s new Senhor, he admits the Imperium will ultimately manage to grind the syndicates under its steely heels. Thus, coming to terms with the invading forces seems the only solution would see the Iron Cartel survive. And once made king—thanks be the Seafoam Throne—Gregarion will be in a position to negotiate a peace of sorts.
This said, he crashes the soft of his fist into the Throne and, after he monotonously recites certain phrases as if from a book of ancient accords, the Throne puts on a little lightshow.
Step 1 – Threathen me;
Step 2 – Call me ‘friend’, ask how I’m doing;
Step 3 – Wish for my death, and call me an asshole;
Your social skills could undergo a little bit of refinement, Greg.
So what’s this opportunity he mentionned? Gray, it appears, has been collaborating with the Stormbreakers for some time now; and the Imperium intends to put Gray—more seemly to their endeavors—in Gregarion’s place. As for the Throne still being incomplete, how affectionate must shine the eyes of lady Fortune when she casts them upon Gregarion, for:
What a lucky guy he is.
So apparently the plan is to risk our lives to bring the last piece of the Throne back from Gray’s hands, into Gregarion’s, making the latter king somehow. Gregarion conjectures syndicates and real powers alike—deeply steeped in tradition—will bow to the Throne; and by honor the Board is bound to recognise any crowned head.
Okay… I’ve an inkling as to what that is about, but an inkling only.
Finally, he hands us a number of face-scramblers set to the uncouth likenesses of some of Gray’s men.
As to the exact reason I the player am doing all this, it is of course not owing my love for Gregarion. But I’ve come to truly despise him, and at this point I really hope the game will provide me an opportunity to fuck him—in a way he wouldn’t enjoy.
And so we’re off, to a place we’ve visited before:
Seconds have not elapsed when a woman comes talk to us:
Meeting this Shake guy, and a couple of lies later, the girls and I reach the floor on which dwells Gray.
Unfortunately, the deception of our ‘fullbody kloaker masks’ is not long for these elite troopers’ scanner. Fortunately, they go down as easily as prostitutes, though differently so.
In the room they guarded:
And owing that suspicion of his, Gray himself is not present in the room, speaking I guess via some speaker system. Moreover, he says the Throne relic isn’t there either.
Facing me: galaxy-sized-brained guys who think twenty-five steps ahead.
Me: stuck with shitty options and no planning.
So then, with so elite a contingent of soldiers present…
What? That runs contrary to what Gregarion had said, that anyone native to MoonFall is basically a descendant of the Pirate Kings who had fornicated their way into multitudinous progeny. I believed him at the time, since it made perfect sense that almost everyone on MoonFall would have in their own veins a drop of the Pirate Kings’ blood. Now I guess Gregarion is unique? Fine…
But:
Yup. Everyone is unique now. Did I mention my cat, Pearl, who this very instant should be sleeping next to the fireplace in the brothel’s meeting room, is related to Alvina and Sweet Shalquoir? She has a unique soul; probably her own throne somewhere, but doesn’t want to talk about it.
Ah! So Gregarion’s claim is tenuous. He’s not that unique after all. Could we enthrone Hatsuo the glutton, then? Call him King Of Donairs?
The fake relic “certainly won’t be good for Gregarion’s health,” says Gray, without providing further information.
If I refuse to do as Gray proposes, he claims only Thassia will leave this room alive. If I accept, he tells me I must leave Thassia here, as a token of goodwill; then when Gregarion is finally erased from the picture, Gray will espouse Thassia in a marriage of convenience.
There is amongst us a general feeling of revulsion upon hearing Gray’s proposal. But Thassia seems not entirely unkeen on the notion. Eventually I get a choice:
And… it’s yet another meaningless pseudo-choice. For some reason three conversation screenshots I had taken ended up being corrupted, so later I quickly replayed this section to re-take them, but clicked too fast to skip some dialogue and was surprised to see that nothing really changed.
All three options lead to the exact same point a mere moment later.
– Agree to the terms, but Thassia comes with us: Gray says Thassia remaining with him is non-negotiable, at which point Hatsuo and Jasen firmly say it is. Thassia then comes with us, Gray vaguely threatens us by saying “I know where to find you,” and Gregarion’s plan unfolds without a hitch.
– Agree to the terms, and Thassia stays: Kore interjects, then Gray says Thassia remaining with him is non-negotiable, at which point Hatsuo and Jasen firmly say it is, overriding my decision. Thassia then comes with us, Gray vaguely threatens us by saying “I know where to find you,” and Gregarion’s plan unfolds without a hitch.
– Attack: we kill his men, then Gray vaguely threatens us by saying “I know where to find you,” and Gregarion’s plan unfolds without a hitch.
And yes, you read that right: Hatsuo and Jasen override my decision. Thassia is willing to stay behind, but even if I agree to it, Hatsuo and Jasen—of all people, men and non-courtesans—get the last word.
If that’s a bug, it’s a nasty one.
So then, the first time I played through that part I attacked Gray’s men. After which Gray spoke to us via his speaker system:
Yes, I know, the ever-present prophecy. I could decide to shit in a sock then use it as fishing bait, and it would still somehow further the damn thing.
Back in Gregarion’s ‘throne room’ I get a wannabe-discreet call:
Tommasi, who apparently managed to worm his way close to Gray, belatedly warns me the latter knows we are coming and has set a trap for us. After which Tommasi advises me to give Gregarion the fake Throne piece, and to not lie about what happened.
Then:
‘Fake’ relic. I think you guys can suspect where this is going.
That happens unprompted. I don’t want to give him the relic, but the game makes me. Why can’t I keep the relic? Or give it to Thassia? Kill Gregarion, who is of absolutely no use to me, and offer the Throne to Thassia if she wants it. Why can’t I? Because I don’t have any agency. Because my character isn’t mine. Nor is she really even a character at all; it’s a vehicle to drag me where events unfold, that I might spectate as they do.
But it’s not over yet.
Indeed. As mentionned earlier, no matter what I do, the eventuation of Gregarion’s plan is the same.
That last line is, I guess, a bug, given I told him the truth about what happened with Gray.
Unfortunately, this entire Iron Cartel questline is an exemplar of what I dislike in this game.
Aside from the rather strange case of the Guild’s civil war, the game doesn’t provide me with any possibility to meaningfully influence events. Things happen because they have to happen; and I’m just sort of… there, while they happen.
Which would be perfectly fine in a straight up linear JRPG with a preset character, or even a Visual Novel. Would be fine, were it not for a variety of factors made it seem Memoirs Of a Battle Brothel was a game wherein your choices matter. Between the player-created character, the non-linearity, the factions conflicting with one another, the talks of a game ‘inspired by traditional PnP RPGs’, the promise of ‘high-stakes diplomacy’, and the various choices—in truth pseudo-choices—given here and there, my actions should be massively more important and varied than what they ultimately are.
With the Iron Cartel, at almost every turn I hoped to see offered me some opportunity or another, that sadly never materialised. And not outlandish opportunities, but logical, sensible ones.
I wished to be able to gather information on Gregarion, to then offer said information to Dejah, thereby weakening the Iron Cartel. I wished to sabotage Gregarion on my own, perhaps by damaging the Throne somehow. I wished to begrudgingly strike a last-minute alliance with Gray, to bring Gregarion down. I wished to, quite simply, say “Fuck you” to Gregarion and splatter the walls with his brain, then ask Thassia if she would want to take the Throne for the Guild’s sake.
But no, I could not do any of those things. They’re just not there. The overall story must go on, unhindered in the least by my insignificance. So too must Gregarion’s story go on in like fashion: he has his master plan perfected in every imaginable way, and if I interact with him in any way it will further this plan no matter what, no matter my thinkings and wishings. Akin to my earlier half-joke anent the prophecy, I could shit in a sock and it would help Gregarion’s plan.
If, at the very least, the game wasn’t so insistent on telling me—again, a player-created character—that I’m so unique, that I’m so important, that my actions and choices matter so much, then I could shrug it off to some effect. But as it, the whole of it eventually grows into something I can’t ignore, something that really annoys me and sours the game.
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